A PATHWAY TO FINDING MORE MEANING IN LIFE
Tasneem Ali 
What are Values?
What is it about values that makes it important to define and understand?
Why do organisations define their set of values and even rate their employees and reward them if they exhibit those specific values?
Why do we value what we value?
What do our values give us that makes them of value to us?
Values are a compass of life, decisions and relationships. It’s a way to understand what is important to you, how you will respond, and how you make decisions. Your core values are the cornerstones of your life. They are deeply ingrained principles that guide every action. They are the unconscious guiding lights, that in moments of truth, help you to make decisions that are true to you.
Having simplified what Values are, do you know what your top Values are?
Defining what drives you and your decisions is crucial to understanding yourself better and building a life based on purpose and meaning. If you want to do a detailed exercise, grab a copy of the eguide here that will help you determine your top values in life.
So, what role do Values play in creating a purposeful life?
Consider this: Life will have more meaning if we value something bigger than us, whether it is God, environment, country, the community, family, peace or something else entirely. As long as it is something beyond you, more significant than you and inspires you, you will find your purpose by defining your values. But what happens when you value something that is not bigger than you. By this, I mean what if your top value is excitement, enjoyment, money? This may, in most cases, lead you on a constant wild goose chase that seeks continuous gratification. Although it will give you a momentary high, it will stop fulfilling you after a while. This happens as it doesn’t nourish the deepest part of you. Sometimes seeking constant excitement and variety in life can lead you to become self absorbent, chasing one high after the other without genuinely fulfilling you. It’s like being on a hamster wheel, living weekend to weekend, rather than a purposeful life that drives you, and the weekend becomes a cause for celebrating your week. These are called continual feelings, in the absence of which space fills with negative feelings such as emptiness, sadness, anxiety.
So how do you find purpose and meaning which brings contentment in your life?
The first step is to understand what is important to you. You can only find contentment when you live in complete alignment with who you are. If you don’t know who you are, how will you become who you want to be? Start by defining your values first.
Our values are our identity. It is not as simple as saying I value honesty. I think everyone does. The bigger question is, is it something you value above all else? Whether the answer is yes or no will be reflected in most decisions, interactions and relationships in your life. You make choices each day, each moment based on what you value the most. Wouldn’t you rather understand why and what drives it, so you feel you are in complete alignment with yourself?
Let’s take an example. Carla, a client of mine, had just taken on a big project and was not spending enough time with her family. She continued to choose work over spending time with her kids. She was perplexed and anxious. She didn’t understand why she kept doing it. We went deep into what was going on and the decisions that drive her in the moment of choice. We nailed it to one thing: she values growth and success above everything else right now. It wasn’t that her kids weren’t important to her, or she doesn’t value them. It is just that her work is more important at this critical point in her life and satisfies her top 2 and 3 values which are consequently: growth and success. Her principal value was family. Understandably, the confusion and dissatisfaction when she was honouring 2 of her top 3 values, yet was compromising on her top value. So yes, the importance of what we value can change in a given scenario. Carla got much clarity and understood her decisions better. Instead of being perplexed and guilty all the time, she could have an honest chat with her family and explain it is short term and why she is doing what she is doing. Why she was choosing work for a short time because it brought meaning to her life and through that work, she was able to impact many lives.
This leads me to ask, what if something happens that makes us question what we value, in essence, our values themselves. What if you are questioning your identity, your being? Loss and grief can do that. It can make us confused, anxious, and unclear leading to enquire what we believe and why. But what if something extraordinary happens; this can impact you too. How about you get promoted at work in a difficult time for the company, you are amongst the very few who got promoted. This can make you re-evaluate and consider values such as loyalty, hard work or even perseverance. You don’t notice breathing; likewise, you don’t notice your values until you do. Just like by focusing on your breathing, you breathe better. By focusing on your values, you live better.
So, ask yourself…
What do I want the rest of my life to look like?
What will I do to create it?
Who else do I want with me on this journey?
What can come in the way?
Who can help me enable the life I want?
What do I need help on?
What or who is going to stop me from going after it?
What will I do about it?
Now the big one – Why do I want what I want?
You can either do the exercise here, put it aside and forget about it. Or decide to embody it, let it empower you and start creating a life that matters. A life that has meaning.
My clients tell me, ‘I don’t know why I’ve wasted my life so far; I wish I had discovered this before. I wouldn’t have wasted the last 10 years pretending to be in a role that did not align with who I am.’ I say – flip it. Today is day 1. Imagine if you didn’t have the past – would you be where you are? Heck no. So, if today is day 1, how will the rest of your life look like? You are in control - not your parents when you were young, not your circumstances when you were a young adult, just you. Now go out there and create it exactly the way you want it to be.
Life is not about consensus or popularity, but what feels right deep in your gut.
Do you want to know who you are? Do you want to find yourself, your purpose, your people, your passion? Do the values exercise. It is the foundation for creating an authentic life that will bring you true happiness.
I would love to know what came up for you while reading this blog. Get in touch and let me know!
Categories: : Values