7 WAYS TO MAKE A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION EASIER
Tasneem Ali 
Most people find just the thought of having a difficult conversation makes their stomach churn, makes their palms sweaty, and stress levels rise. Overthinking and overanalysing the situation that hasn’t happened yet causes anxiety and panic, with some even claiming to lose sleep. Most of the time, worrying about a conversation that has yet to happen is unproductive and doesn’t yield any results. Let’s face it, we all need to have those dreaded conversations at some point. It could be things like bringing awareness about someone’s behaviour at work, a situation with a client that was unacceptable, or asking why you didn’t get a promotion this time around. It’s challenging and awkward.
However, if you stopped worrying and understood why you need to have this conversation, then perhaps everything would become easier. So, how do you have these conversations so that they are productive and achieve the result you want? Let’s explore 7 ways below.
Have a plan
Stop worrying in your head about the upcoming conversation and put it down on paper. When you put it in black and white, it becomes easier to understand the situation, and you can start to plan on an effective approach. Some ways to develop a strategy are a list of facts about the situation, the pros and cons of having this conversation, and the outcome you want to achieve.
Address the emotions
Most people procrastinate having a tough conversation because of the feelings that arise. However, if you identify what you are feeling, name them, acknowledge them, and take control of them, it will become easier and less stressful. For example, every time you think about telling John his work is not up to par, you avoid it because it fills you with dread about hurting him or feeling stressed because you know he will get defensive. When you identify these emotions, you can now understand them and develop an action plan that will help reduce the negative emotions. Action brings clarity and reduces the negative emotions inside us – always.
Define the purpose
There is a reason you are having this conversation. Identify where the need arose, why it is important, and what you are hoping to achieve. It will become easier as soon as you are clear on the purpose and its importance. For example, John’s bad performance impacts the amount of work you have to take on to compensate for his slack, which in turn has a direct impact on productivity and revenue in the business. Hence, it is critical that he performs up to standards and the outcome you are hoping to achieve is he understands how he needs to improve and the impact of not doing so. Keeping this big picture in mind, you will know what you need to know.
Visualise the worst-case scenario
If the situation is dire, understanding the worst thing that can happen can be helpful. Because the worst-case scenario rarely ever happens, things start to seem a little easier and even hopeful knowing that you can do it. It brings clarity and courage.
Lead with empathy
A tough conversation is difficult for the one initiating it and the other person who engages in it. The energy in the room will be different. Hence, if you lead with empathy, showing care and concern but being super clear on why this conversation is taking place will ensure the right message comes across – the seriousness of the situation and care for the other person, chances are, the conversation goes well. Support them by giving them space to process the feedback and asking for their input. It shows respect and empathy.
Have courage
If you are clear on why you need to have this conversation and what needs to be achieved, tell yourself I can do this. Because yes, you can. With action comes clarity. So take that first step, set up the call, and begin by keeping the plan in mind.
Be outcome-focused
When you stick to the facts and focus on the impact the behaviour or the situation is having on the business, team, individual, etc., you can come up with a plan to address it. You can go in with some suggestions and get the person’s input and agree on the best way forward. This ensures there is buy-in and a positive way forward. This also gives control to the individual, and therefore you are empowering or being empowered.
The final piece of advice, when you see an issue that needs to be addressed, don’t wait too long. You know you will have to address it sooner or later, so you might as well come up with a plan and do it. You will have less anxiety in your life, which you know will have a negative impact on other parts of your work and life. So, the next time you need to have a difficult conversation, come up with a plan, have courage and get it in motion.
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Categories: Leadership, People manager